July 16, 2010. I surrendered. AGAIN.
Sitting in the doctor's office (a place I avoid at all costs) feeling unsure of my health. Tired. Missed cycles. Poor appetite. Yes, me, Mrs. Prevention. The doctor asked the questions and I answered, drew some blood, and came back with the results. He told me I had low thyroid. Me? 34 year old? Fitness crazed? Health nut? How? What? Why?
I struggled with the diagnosis for a few days. I knew it was result of abusing my body in my 20's. Questions circled my mind. Should I take the meds? Am I gonna gain weight? Is my heart going to be damaged? Will these hormones accelerate my chances of getting breast cancer? I sulked. Sulked. some. more. Woe is me. :( Then a lightbulb went off! Food is medicine, right? So I cut back on my dairy and gluten and added a few more semi-cheat meals....and BAM - my energy came back and the metabolism starting churning again a month later.
Admission: The anorexic voice that tries to come back in these times of so-called "needed control" was LOUD. "Oh go back to your old ways, we were a team, you had control over everything..blah, blah, blah. " Truth is Rexi, has no idea! All these health challenges I have had are from that VOICE. And the weak side of me, succumbed to it all those years! But, guess what? I beat that voice into submission a few days after that diagnosis as I have continued to do these past few years. I am DONE with her!
The unfortunate side of any addiction: eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, food addictions) drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, etc is they sneak up in you in times of stress. The mind has used these addictions to COPE, yes, albeit, negatively to one's health, during these times. The gift that I give myself everyday is to pummel those thoughts and replace them with thoughts of GRATITUDE and LOVE. The eating disorder just falls by the wayside when I do this. My meals are healthy and balanced. Portions are not rigid but moderate. I use food now for health, fuel, and PLEASURE! Through my work, with Fit & Healthy Schools, I teach the children and their caregivers there are no RULES, just living life with beliefs of balanced, health, clean, wholesome living.
I believe I am the BEST place in my life. My husband and my children are blessings God has bestowed on me. The strength, the confidence, the fortitude I feel at this time in my life is at the highest it has ever been. I feel STRONG in my beliefs, my love for my family and friends, and keep them close. Anorexia kept all that away! I used to say "but what else am I good at??" I was a world class Anorexic. Seriously. I should I have gotten awards for it. I was determined, secretive, passionate, a great student. Well, I quit that curriculum and have found a new one! Living the my best life with utmost gratitude.
If I have learned anything.....the two virtues I keep in the back of my mind are BALANCE and GRATITUDE. I know it seems simple but the mind is complex thing. And some days are better than others. I work to balance my time with my kids, husband, family, friends, and work.
So, for this Thanksgiving.....I wish all of you a healthy, fun holiday, A time to get together with the most special people in your life. Being grateful for their love and inspiration. Keep your portions moderate, enjoy the different flavors and smells, savor the decadent dessert! Make some special memories with your loved ones! GRATITUDE and LOVE, GRATITUDE and LOVE, GRATITUDE and LOVE. Thank you God, for all you have given me, even the struggles, that have made me the person I am today. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! xoxox