I was the Queen of Excuses. Because that meant if I used an excuse, I could avoid pain and never admit that I wasn't perfect. I'm simply done with that word "PERFECT"!
Take for example, cooking. I am not the best cook. I would love to hire a personal chef if I had unlimited resources. I used to say,"oh I was never taught how to cook", so I would never try a recipe! There are millions of people that have never been taught to cook. Ding ding- an excuse!
"If you really want to do it, you do it. There are no excuses." -- Bruce Nauman
I had Thanksgiving here at my house. I infused love and joy into my cooking and did the best I could do. It went well (not gourmet!) by any means but I did it because it was a PRIORITY!
In Wayne Dyer's book, Excuses Begone, he states that excuses are false beliefs that have been conditioned in your psyche that you have reasoned to be true.
Let's take starting an exercise plan. Many of you believe that starting an exercise program will be DIFFICULT. Whats more difficult for your well being - staying overweight, lethargic, grumpy about how your clothes fit or that 45mins of day of exercise that gives you energy, confidence, and pizazz? And really, there is no evidence yet that the workout will be difficult, that's simply you and your monkey mind having a battle of fear and doubt. Decide for yourself what's a priority and what's not and stop making excuses!
Write down three things that you are "NOT" doing because "its too difficult, its will take a long time, there will be family drama, etc".
Now take a look at your list, weigh out the risks vs. the gains. I bet the gains far outweigh the risks.
I will use the cooking and exercise plan examples again.
1. I can't cook because its too difficult and I do not have time to teach myself.
GAINS (REWARDS!) if I learn to cook:
*I will teach my kids how to cook and entertain.
*I will have healthy meals prepared here instead of unhealthy fast food or rich restaurant dishes.
*I will gain more confidence as I learn new things.
*I will burn the food.
*It will taste bad.
Really? Are those things really that bad? I've been putting this off for years for fear of failure! I made this grand idea in my head that my meals should be Martha-esque and gourmet-tasty! I couldn't even boil eggs a few years ago! HA! I was too dang hard on myself to try. Now I'm getting out of my head and into the KITCHEN!
So now, I must make it a priority by carving out 45mins-1 hour a day researching recipes, putting that jazzy apron on and getting to work.
2. I can't exercise because its too difficult, my calves hurt, I don't have enough time and I don't have the energy.
GAINS (REWARDS!) if I exercise at least 30 minutes a day
*I will feel better and have more energy.
*I will have more confidence in my clothes and in my body.
*I will have increased health, sex drive, improved moods.
*I will combat heart disease, depression, stroke etc. through getting active.
*I will get hurt.
*I will be more tired.
These are just two Risks I could come up with. And here's why these are excuses, because you are simply doing the WRONG EXERCISE FOR YOUR BODY! Do not start out your exercise program doing boot camps where you are lifting weights way too heavy for your strength capacity! If you are more tired after your workout, you are SIMPLY doing the WRONG WORKOUT, folks! The workout should give you more energy and boost your MOOD. Start small ladies and gentlemen. Be gentle with yourself. Do not compare yourself to anyone in that gym or on the track. DO YOU!
What feels good to your body? Find that activity and do it.
Along with weighing out the risk vs reward, you could practice affirmations to tame that monkey mind telling you not to do it.
"You have all you need. You are strong, capable and worthy of living an abundant life."
Ask yourself: What are some things you are putting off today that you would like to change?
This quote sang to me today. May it sing to you today too! YOU ARE WORTH IT!
"Worthiness, in very simple terms, means, I have found a way to let the Energy reach me, the Energy that is natural, reach me. Worthiness, or unworthiness, is something that is pronounced upon you by you. You are the only one that can deem yourself worthy or unworthy. You are the only one who can love yourself into a state of allowing, or hate yourself in a state of disallowing. There is not something wrong with you, nor is there something wrong with one who is not loving you. You are all just, in the moment, practicing the art of not allowing, or the art of resisting."
When I was little, I was called a "grouch" a lot . And I think I know why! I was not grateful for anything. Some may say I was a spoiled brat and would try to manipulate my way into getting what I want through pouting, whining and my favorite, breaking things, including my glasses.
Cute, ya I know. :P
I would break my glasses if I did not get my way. What an expensive habit!
When all is said and done, sometimes as adults we have temper tantrums. I believe when the temper tantrums are few and far between, we began to mature, take life as it is, and move on with solutions rather than focusing on the problems.
That's where we can make Gratitude our BIGGEST ASSET.
When you express gratitude for the struggles and the joys, you can be at peace.
What are some ways to bring more GRATITUDE into your life? In the Spirit of Thanksgiving, here are 5 simple things you can do today to gain a sense of gratitude...
1. Let a loved one know you appreciate them! Sometimes we go through our days not showing how much we care for someone. Write them a loving note, card, text, email expressing how much they mean to you. Bring them a small gift that shows you care. Flowers, a card, a small token of appreciation go a long way.
2. Forgive someone. Anger, bitterness, resentment block the flow of gratitude. Bless the ones that hurt you. Hurt people HURT people. Know that its their issue for the wrong they have done to you. They need your forgiveness the most.
3. Practice a random of act of kindness. Let someone in front of you in traffic. Pay for the toll of the person behind you. Make a meal for the sick, hungry or poor. Bake cookies for your neighbor.
4. Write down a list of all YOUR wonderful qualities. Put it out there in the Universe. You are here for a reason and its these qualities that bring Light to this World.
5. Practice gratitude on the hour. Each time, an hour ticks by, remember to focus on the good in your life. Focus on what is in front of you. The car you are driving, the computer you own, the pretty smile you have, the glowing eyes, and most important your beautiful Soul.
I hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving. Take a look around the table at Thanksgiving Dinner, savor the moment, and appreciate all the good that surrounds you.
“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” - Tony Robbins
Last week, after I posted the blog about the "3 Types of People I have Been", I got asked the question, "How can I be the Purpose Oriented Person"? Many said they felt, lost, tired, uninspired, and even on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I have found through these 3 simple steps during my recovery of trying to figure IT ALL OUT it come down to this. Small shifts in daily life lead to a happier life. And it does get easier. And it can shift but these three ways always help me to REFOCUS and center myself.
For example, I am observing my second grader learn elementary math. Math has come fairly easy to her for her first two years in school. She is learning subtraction now and its not coming as quick. Each day she has sheet she practices filled with subtraction problems. And they don't skip the weekends. She has to do it then too. I notice her getting more and more confident as each day passes. The school did not start her at 20-11. She started at 1-1, or 2-1. That's what we can do. Start small, don't take the whole staircase, just take it one step at a time! YOU WILL GET THERE I PROMISE!
Step 1: Wake up with spring in your step!: The first thing I want you to do when you wake up in the morning is say "Thank you for giving me another day to live this wonderful journey, called Life!" Be grateful that you HAVE a job! And a house! And clothes! It may be difficult for the first couple of days, maybe first 2 weeks. Set your alarm 15 minutes earlier, before the kids and your furry kids get up, before the house is cranking its day to day business, and practice some gratitude. If your want to take a step further, exercise your body in a way that feels good to you. Stretching, yoga, running, walking, rowing, weightlifting are all great choices to give your body the love and attention it deserves, It needs this attention to give you the strength and vitality to make it through the day!
Step 2: Eat well.: Stop stuffing the Pop Tarts in your mouth before you head out the door. Make it a point to feed your body foods RICH in vitamins and nutrients. Your body needs whole foods to keep the soul inspired. Every BODY is different so I can't give you the specific foods that will work for you. But what I can say is eat WHOLE foods not boxed convenience items like cereal or donuts. Grab an apple and some oatmeal. Eggs with Ezekiel Toast. And if you have no time at all, my favorite has always been a Larabar and huge water bottle and off you go!
Step 3: Small Acts using your God-given Gifts: Turn off the TV, put the wine down, throw away the large bag of Doritos, or put out the cigarette. These coping mechanisms are nothing but a DISTRACTION to feeling what's in your heart! What is holding you back from your purpose? Your happiness? In most cases, its fear. And fear sounds like an excuse. Below, I have listed Wayne Dyer's list of excuses from his book "Excuse Begone" that just fell into my lap this summer (no coincidence, friends!) He's got 18 so hang on for a bit folks:
1. It will be difficult.
2. It's going to be risky.
3. It will take a long time.
4. There will be family drama.
5. I don't deserve it.
6. It's not my nature.
7. I can't afford it.
8. No one will help me.
9. It has never happened before.
10. I'm not strong enough.
11. I'm not smart enough.
12. I'm too old or not old enough.
13. The Rules won't let me.
14. It's too big.
15. I don't have the energy.
16. It's my personal family history.
17. I'm too busy.
18. I'm too scared.
If you are saying any of these things, these are what he calls "limiting beliefs". You have used these excuses in the past to cope with not living the life of your dreams. What have you got to lose? You already were given the gifts and talents that are UNIQUE to YOU at birth! Use those talents wherever you can and be of service to others with those gifts! Practice small acts each day with your God-given talent and amazing things, abundant things will begin to APPEAR in your Life. Its not Magic folks, You are what is MAGIC!
Next week, we will go you through some of these excuses, give you affirmations and tools to start the ball rolling. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgving with your families and friends.
On my way to Yoga today, I was listening to a radio show I like to hear when I am alone in the car. The host was speaking about three different types of people that live in our world today...JUST THREE TYPES, really? I had to listen on to see what type of person I am. I thought it was only Type A and Type B. Well, my Type A personality just HAD to hear what this was all about...
Michael Bernard Beckwith, minister and author of several books and can be seen on THE SECRET documentary (pllllllease, check this out- its a game changer:http://thesecret.tv/, Oprah Show, etc. (http://www.agapelive.com/)hosts a live radio show about inspiring others to live their lives with intention. He gets you to have little shifts in your consciousness to make changes in your life that will ultimately bring you happiness.
He classified people in these three ways...
1. Task oriented people: These people go about their days performing daily tasks. Brushing their teeth, walking the dog, making their meals, filling up the car with gas, grocery shopping, going to their jobs and completing the assigned tasks, watching Tv and then off to bed. You know, the day to day errands. They get things done, and yes, they get to cross things off their to-do list, but, are they really happy? Beckwith claims 90% aren't.
2. Goal oriented people: This person will complete several different tasks to obtain a goal. They feel they have a purpose as they are plugging away at their to-do list to achieve that goal but not much enthusiasm behind it. For example,a person who just goes into "that job"everyday just to get "that paycheck". They are completing the daily tasks at their job but really when they leave for the day, are they fulfilled?
3. Purpose oriented people: These people are the dream weavers. They feel a deeper sense of purpose to give back to the world. They follow their hearts but are using their God-given talents. They LISTEN to their hearts, the inner wisdom that speaks to them to serve. They infuse inspiration into a room by their zest for life and passion for their life's work. You've seen these people...They are the ones who greet you with a smile and are excited to live out their dreams. Like, your personal trainer who loves to talk biomechanics or nutrition. Then there are people who are not sorry that they LOVE to paint or make jewelry or fix watches. They know they have a talent,a gift, that can help another person's life become easier and happier.
Everyone of us is called to this Earth to fill their life's purpose. This purpose is unique to EACH & EVERYONE of us. All 7 BILLION OF US!!!!!!!!
I have been all three of these people.
I was a task person up until college, just plugging away at the day-to-day grind not really conscious of my thoughts, actions, and purpose.
When I got to college, I was forced to create a goal and become that goal oriented person. Well, declare a MAJOR if you will. I thought "Ok, I want to be a fashion designer, that's it, I like clothes, I love to dress people so that's it!" Well, after one sewing class, I dropped that major ASAP! Then I decided on Hotel, Restaurant Managament because it was fun, I'm a people person and I liked to plan parties and hosts events. Really? Hmmmmmph..... :/
Not until I became a Mom did I realize purpose. I found that I better shape up to show them that life is a treasure. I have done EXTENSIVE soul searching to find my life's purpose. In college, I developed an eating disorder to distract myself from finding my life's purpose and then the ED became my purpose. Hows that for nothing? But, really, I now believe it was how my life was supposed to play out...That I had to go through something so painful, so sad, so terrible to come out as strong as I feel right now.
Are you struggling with finding your life's purpose, your calling? What type of person are you? What's holding you back from taking that leap of faith? Are you stuck in goal oriented land where you keep achieving goals but not really feeling any fulfillment? Are you in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere? Are you hating Monday morning when you have to go back to "that job?"
Something to think about...
Think? Where you say?...ANYWHERE - Grab a journal, hit the Mat or the meditation pillow, talk it out with a trusted family member or friend, your therapist, or run the trails. Those are just a few places to start...
"Death is not the greatest loss in life; the greatest loss is what dies inside while you’re still alive."
About two years ago, I started writing a book about my life. My life is not all that extraordinary but the gains and fights I have made and overcome are. A few months after my 16th birthday, my mom passed away. She had lost her life to breast cancer in a just 8 short months after her diagnosis. I lived a charmed childhood of carefree fun and unlimited joy until that day. Since then, I lived a life of filled with anger, unforgiveness, and self hatred. I developed an eating disorder and a battle with depression. My book is finally a culmination of the FIGHT and WORK that I have put in. The long hours in therapy, the tears, the lonely nights in my car feeling so low and empty. Those days, hours, and weeks are just a mere memory now. The adversity that I have overcome has given me the strength to fulfill my life's purpose. I know there are so many of you out there who feel lost and may have lost your way. But, The Universe has a plan for all of us. Be still and listen to your heart. Your Soul is waiting for your Body and Mind to sync up and fulfill your wildest dreams. The book I am writing will not only help those suffering with an eating disorder but anyone who may be going through some rough times and needs a handbook to make subtle changes in their daily life to answer their calling. I have developed tools and tricks on myself that I believe will help so many of you.
This blog will be a weekly posting on many different topics about life lessons and my journey into the publishing world. As always, make comments below, follow on Instagram: beezerq. Tumblr: jensyscarola. Love & Light My Friends!